Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
