my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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