Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
