If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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