Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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