You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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