i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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