she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
