I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
try to milk me bitch
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
