OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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