you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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