Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize