the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
