Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
