Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
