Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
