some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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