Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Soap is not a condiment
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
