people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
