if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
