So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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