He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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