Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
