She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
