dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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