Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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