My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
