How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
