Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My nipple is on Facebook.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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