there was a trapeze. enough said
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
