you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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