is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
people are starting to question the shark bite story
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
