She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
