Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Semen is not good for contacts.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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