we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So vagazzling was a success
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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