careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
