I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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