i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
