Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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