I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
