As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
