I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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