I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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