On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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