P.S. I can't hear my feet
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
