I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
