is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you would pick up someone in the library
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize