he wants to bone in the snuggie
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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