Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
