white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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