Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
