so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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