I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
