i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
