it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
