Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
