Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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